HAPPY BIRTHDAY GROUCHO

Today would have been the birthday of the greatest comedian this country has produced! Bar none-- no one has ever matched or beaten Groucho-- EVER! In tribute for his birthday today, here are some quotes that he made famous. Happy Birthday, Groucho, wherever you are!

Witty remarks by Groucho Marx
Note that several of these come from his films and although spoken by Groucho were written by the various films' screenwriters.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I

convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
In Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don't know (often misquoted as "I'll never know.")
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I thought my razor was dull, then I heard his speech.

Today is also the birthday of Bud Abbott-- who was the greatest straight man this country ever produced!

Happy Birthday, Mr. Dinklepuss (the character he played in "Jack In The Beanstalk") wherever you are. You are on "first" Now.